The Rope Jumping Dilemma

When I was a kid, girls played this game roughly translated as Jumping Ropes. The ropes were handmade, by looping tens of rubber bands around each other to form a long elastic strand. one kid would hold each end, stretching the rope slightly such that it became taut. the rest would take turns jumping over the rope, as the height was increased from the ground, to the knee, waist, shoulder, head, and finally as high as it can be held. My athletic prowess was lacking even back then, and the best i could muster was the waist.

I had been having difficulty sleeping these few days, with many thoughts swirling about my head. When i decided to come back to school to do Masters, it was like jumping at the shoulder level. I'd never done it before, but it was not too far from the waist level. It felt within reach. I knew that if i'd worked hard at it, maybe consistently stretching and jumping everyday, I'd be able to do it gradually. And as that is coming close to being proven true, an opportunity has opened up to jump at a much higher level, even higher than the head - a level so high (to me) that I did not, never in a bajillion yrs consider myself capable of reaching, not even in my wildest exciting-est dreams.

You see, my advisor had offered.. nay, actively pursuing me to do a Doctoral degree with him. Doctoral with a capital D. It will be an exciting and worthy project, with the aim of contributing some tools towards fighting a deadly, incurable disease. He has agreed to customize it so that I can learn tools that will be valuable the industry, which is where I want to end up in. Most of all, he believes, more than I do, from what he sees, that I have the capability to reach that lofty height. It is a dizzy feeling, to have someone throw open a door which you'd never thought to unlock, and to be told that yes, you CAN do it, however much you think you can't. Maybe the cripple who got cured by Jesus felt like the same way when commanded to walk.

The problem is, it would take at least 3 more years, and there would be very little money for the entire duration. The choices of jobs post graduation will be scant because of highly specialized skills. But if I do get a job, probably as a scientist in a company, the difference in monetary gain could be balanced out in a short time. I would get to be my own boss and pretty much dictate my course and direction of research. However, the idea of being my own boss is strangely foreign, and pretty intimidating. I had always imagined a life of salaried income, with a cushion of corporate superiors, and ample time for pursuit of interesting hobbies like reading, baking, drumming, language and what nots. What will it be like to be away from that comfortable cushion? More satisfaction, I heard, and also more frustration, and much less time for other things in life.

On the other hand, if I do not get a job in the industry, I will probably end up in school, in some research lab, taking the post of what is known as a "postdoc", ie phD holders who slave with minimal pay and dismal benefits for a few years under the tulelage of some established professor in hopes of getting into academia, either holding a professorship, or being a research scientist. The ultimate deal is proving to be illusive to many, as more and more postdocs get stuck for years as a postdoc, wondering if they would ever reach the other side. This I do not wish to do.

Both paths after phD, industrial or academia, would lead away from clear cut engineering, into the murky, but much more heavy-weighted realm of clinical science and biology. But, I love engineering, especially mechanical. I am not sure that I'm prepared to let it go.

Also, I had in fact secured a job in a small nothern lake front location. Not a job that I trained for, not an industry which I imagined myself to be in, but one that I nonetheless accepted, partly because of visa limitations in this foreign land. This job pays at least 3 times that of what I will earn as a phD student. The people are nice, and the location is fantastic. Plus, I have the choice of switching back to engineering at a later date.

Things will be further complicated when I go back to Asia in a few years. The demand for phDs, especially in biological+engineering sciences is much less in SEA, compared to the western world.

Yet, do we not owe it to ourselves to fulfill our potential to the fullest? To contribute as much as we can to the well being of earth and our people? To attempt to jump the highest that we could possibly jump over the ropes held by life?

Or do we just owe it to ourselves to be happy, to be financially competent for the sake of our family, and to start building a stable and peaceful life when the time is right?