So, I've been asked this question recently.
When does one know if a relationship is worth breaking away from?
I think that there are many reasons, but the most obvious for me, in simple, engineer friendly formula is:
Happiness(Boy+girl) < Happiness(boy)+Happiness(girl)
where
y(x) means y is a function of x
Or, if Happiness(boy) is an unknown, it can be calculated just using data from the girl, ie
Smiles(girl in relationship)-Tears(girl in relationship) <<
Smiles(Girl single)-Tears(girl single);
t>t*
where
t* is total time needed for sufficient data collection
and
sufficient data=enough data to predict future scenario
Then perhaps it's time to say goodbye, shed some tears, and move on.
Of course, that's always easier said than done.
So, how does your relationship fare? What do you do to keep the happiness score high? And how do (most of) our parents do it?
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11 comments:
What happened to you actually?
1. Undeniably, you are a true geek!
2. Something to think about, in a simplified format -
Happiness=f(Relationship);
Relationship(boy+girl)=Integrate [Luv(boy)+Luv(girl)],
where
Luv(boy)=/=Luv(girl), and
Luv(x)=Feeling(x)+Respect(x)+Tolerate(x).
Help! Your engineering formula on relationship is not at all friendly to us mountain forks. If I am not wrong, you are talking about happiness in boy-girl relationship. If so, Mountain wisdom offers this:
1. Ask yourself: what makes you unhappy in your boygirl relationship?
2. Your answer would be : I do not get what i want.
Mountain wisdom: If you want to get happiness, you must give happiness! Always strive to act and conduct yourself in a way your mate would be happy. Selfishness has no place is happiness!
Any comments, you young geeks?
(Anyway what is a geek?)
To be happy in my context would be to love unconditionally, and love without expecting anything in return. Then you will be happy because you are giving out sincerely...
why is everyone blogging?
Well said, pdteoh.
You may add a Mission Statement to what you have said.
The Mission Statement could be like this:
My very dear ________, I am very thankful for your accepting me to be your life partner. I declare that my life mission as your husband,is to always give you happiness. God be my witness.
Signed: pdteoh. Dated:______
To honour that statement:
1. Be faithful to her at all times.
2. Be empathetic and forgiving, accepting her for what she is.
3. Surpise her and family members with charity.
4. Give her and your children a sweet home built on reasonably stable financial base.
5. Share cheers and tears.
6. Never say divorce.
Have Hope and Faith and Charity, that's the way to live sucessfully.
How do I know?? ? The Bible tells me so... (from a song)
The points suggested required deep soul searching and understanding of the implications. You can live up to it if you really mean to give happiness to your spouse.
You will be showered with happiness in return.
Mountain Man
From lengap who wanted to post a comment but couldn't, so I'd post it for him, since i am desperate for comments.
"You know XX(not my real name), whatever. Something is jsut too short to calculate so maany stuff. Just follow the heart."
lengap
pt,
I'm totally fine. it's not me, don't worry.
sometimes that's just hard to do.
M Man,
a geek, according to google, is a nerd who is extremely technologically savvy. I guess in my context, nerd would be more representative than geek. And, it's pTteoh la... but what you say makes good sense. thanks. :)
mh,
Bloggers, according to cy's sis, have no friends, and no life, yet want to feel like they have friends (and a life). Therefore, they blog, in order to feel loved, and to live vicariously through the comments they get. hehehe...
haha, we all have friends, we all have life :P
anyway, been reading this book that's a gift for our wedding: gary chapman's five languages of love. truly a good book. i shall not dwell on what are the 5 languages, but rather on the concept of love.
Love is not a feeling. The in-love feeling that we have is all biological, like it or not. And the feeling never last. What happened when the feeling is gone?
That's when true love starts. True love cannot start until the feeling is gone. True love is a choice. That you choose to love someone even though he or she pisses you off, or even hates you.
Love takes hell lots of work. People choose to breakup because they are lazy to do the work, or they are immature enough to know that they have to work on it.
Err...so back to your question, when to breakup? After you read that book and try all the methods to patch up and it still doesn't work then it's time to move on, you won't fell (that) sad, because you have done all that you could.
ming han,
wah...well said.
i think so too. love is a choice, and a commitment. relationship takes work. and it is up to the individual how much work you think the relationship is worth. If after a lot of work and you're still both feeling miserable, then maybe it's not to be. Sometimes individual differences are too great to overcome, but you never know unless you try.
I was thinking when did I become lotus seed. hahahaha
That name was far, far away.
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