If you've been lost and adrift for a while,
sit down,
be quiet,
and still,
just breathe,and listen.
To the whirr of the refrigerator,
the drone of the passing cars,
the breeze playing with the leaves,
the laughter of the sunlight,
and the murmurings of your heart.
Everything will be alright.
Monday, April 09, 2007
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
gut wrenching 2 weeks
Had just been through 2 weeks of emotional roller coaster. All because I had to choose between 2 jobs, and also some level of home sickness.
Job A I had already accepted, three months earlier, but is not the job that I trained for (ie engineering). Yet they have the greatest people and recruiting methods. And an atmosphere I felt truly comfortable with, plus a job function that is highly interesting. Oh, and it's in Chicago.
Job B I was offered unexpectedly. Is the perfect job description that matches my original intent of coming...let's see...20 gazillion miles across the pacific ocean to simultaneously suffer and semisemi-thrive in grad school. a highly interesting job function too, one not easily found. Culture and people, not so sure. But was very strict on the reply-by deadline (1 week from verbal offer, 4 days from actual offer).
So, being the knucklehead stubborn mule that I am...decided to let go of job A, and went the path of job B ie idealism bla bla bla- idealism with a pay cut, in a small small northern city. Was an extremely difficult situation for me personally, cos i do hate hate hate(to infinity) going back on my words. And also kinda fell a bit in love with Job A already.
All compounded by the fact that I hadn't been home in a year and almost 3 months. i've come to realise that if i do not go home at least one a year, my emotions tend to go cuckoo. Get sad and emotional for no reason.
It's strange how me and my friends had evolved since uni days. Leaving home for the 1st time to go to college? Easier than cooking maggi mee in a mug. Oh were we eager to see the world! be independent! meet new people! cure cancer! Solve the grand unified theorem! In fact, I was so NOT home sick during my first semester that during break after that semester, my dad had to bribe me with phone cards to make me call home once a week. I felt bad when my aunts told me that my mom cried after I left for college, and when I didn't call home.
Then the years go by (cue soft piano and violin), and our parents grow older, and I guess we grow wiser, or at least more appreciative of the extra blessings that we were given in the form of our loving parents and pesky sibling(s). And so we grow more attached. But we're all grown up now, and have to cari our own makan, dance our own dance, wiggle our own hiney, with some ending up far away from home. Denied of luxury items like 3 months of semester breaks each year, I look back at my callous teenage self, and have to say - bodohke engkau?
Where was I going with this?
Oh, yeah, wish me luck with my job. I will do my very very best and hope for the best. Alhamdulillah..
And I love my mom dad and pesky brother. And my wai por,wai gong and my aunts and uncles and cousins, and all my lovely crazy friends. muaks.
Job A I had already accepted, three months earlier, but is not the job that I trained for (ie engineering). Yet they have the greatest people and recruiting methods. And an atmosphere I felt truly comfortable with, plus a job function that is highly interesting. Oh, and it's in Chicago.
Job B I was offered unexpectedly. Is the perfect job description that matches my original intent of coming...let's see...20 gazillion miles across the pacific ocean to simultaneously suffer and semisemi-thrive in grad school. a highly interesting job function too, one not easily found. Culture and people, not so sure. But was very strict on the reply-by deadline (1 week from verbal offer, 4 days from actual offer).
So, being the knucklehead stubborn mule that I am...decided to let go of job A, and went the path of job B ie idealism bla bla bla- idealism with a pay cut, in a small small northern city. Was an extremely difficult situation for me personally, cos i do hate hate hate(to infinity) going back on my words. And also kinda fell a bit in love with Job A already.
All compounded by the fact that I hadn't been home in a year and almost 3 months. i've come to realise that if i do not go home at least one a year, my emotions tend to go cuckoo. Get sad and emotional for no reason.
It's strange how me and my friends had evolved since uni days. Leaving home for the 1st time to go to college? Easier than cooking maggi mee in a mug. Oh were we eager to see the world! be independent! meet new people! cure cancer! Solve the grand unified theorem! In fact, I was so NOT home sick during my first semester that during break after that semester, my dad had to bribe me with phone cards to make me call home once a week. I felt bad when my aunts told me that my mom cried after I left for college, and when I didn't call home.
Then the years go by (cue soft piano and violin), and our parents grow older, and I guess we grow wiser, or at least more appreciative of the extra blessings that we were given in the form of our loving parents and pesky sibling(s). And so we grow more attached. But we're all grown up now, and have to cari our own makan, dance our own dance, wiggle our own hiney, with some ending up far away from home. Denied of luxury items like 3 months of semester breaks each year, I look back at my callous teenage self, and have to say - bodohke engkau?
Where was I going with this?
Oh, yeah, wish me luck with my job. I will do my very very best and hope for the best. Alhamdulillah..
And I love my mom dad and pesky brother. And my wai por,wai gong and my aunts and uncles and cousins, and all my lovely crazy friends. muaks.
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
A geek's take on breakups
So, I've been asked this question recently.
When does one know if a relationship is worth breaking away from?
I think that there are many reasons, but the most obvious for me, in simple, engineer friendly formula is:
Happiness(Boy+girl) < Happiness(boy)+Happiness(girl)
where
y(x) means y is a function of x
Or, if Happiness(boy) is an unknown, it can be calculated just using data from the girl, ie
Smiles(girl in relationship)-Tears(girl in relationship) <<
Smiles(Girl single)-Tears(girl single);
t>t*
where
t* is total time needed for sufficient data collection
and
sufficient data=enough data to predict future scenario
Then perhaps it's time to say goodbye, shed some tears, and move on.
Of course, that's always easier said than done.
So, how does your relationship fare? What do you do to keep the happiness score high? And how do (most of) our parents do it?
When does one know if a relationship is worth breaking away from?
I think that there are many reasons, but the most obvious for me, in simple, engineer friendly formula is:
Happiness(Boy+girl) < Happiness(boy)+Happiness(girl)
where
y(x) means y is a function of x
Or, if Happiness(boy) is an unknown, it can be calculated just using data from the girl, ie
Smiles(girl in relationship)-Tears(girl in relationship) <<
Smiles(Girl single)-Tears(girl single);
t>t*
where
t* is total time needed for sufficient data collection
and
sufficient data=enough data to predict future scenario
Then perhaps it's time to say goodbye, shed some tears, and move on.
Of course, that's always easier said than done.
So, how does your relationship fare? What do you do to keep the happiness score high? And how do (most of) our parents do it?
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
tung tung tung tung
The result of "To phD or not to phD, that is the question" is in. And the winner is...The chicago job with the 5 figure salary (as in total annual salary lah) ! Congratulations, Mr chicago job with 5 figure salary, how do you feel about this victory?
Mr chicago job with 5 figure salary: Phew, I tell ya, sista, that there is sumthing of a close call. wuz afraid that girl there be stupid enough to choose ideals over money! hahahaha.. (wiping sweat of the 5 figure face).
Whoa, those are pretty harsh words, Mr chicago job with 5 figure salary...
Mr chicago job with 5 figure salary (turning a nice shade of orange): hehehe..just kidding, just kidding. Gosh, you people gotta lighten up. I mean, come on, ya know she done made the right choice. She done old and poor, alone in a foreign land. It's time to shore up some of em greenbacks, ya know what I'm sayin?
Well, Mr chicago job with 5 figure salary, late twenties is not exactly old, you know. Futhermore, experts interviewed say that if she goes the phD route, she would have recovered the "financial losses" incurred while in grad school in no time, if she gets a job in industry after that.
Mr chicago job with 5 figure salary: Her parents think she's gettin old, don't they? and, I hear the big IF in your sennntence.
I am pretty sure her parents didn't mean it that way. Anyway, the experts also say that having a phD proves the girl's versatility and trainability - she would in fact be much more marketable, and be perceived as a totally brainy chick(which is a lethal combination)! Plus when it comes to career advancement, phD totally kicks ass!
Mr chicago job with 5 figure salary: expert shmurzert. She got me, ain't she? you want experts? i got this university full of experts, them asian experts says the opposite. Strange how all the white chicks and brothers think so highly of education.
Are you implying that race plays a part in this.
Mr chicago job with 5 figure salary looks left and right before saying: ya know, i shouldn't be sayin this, it aint no race, it that dang nationality. foreign people always gets short changed. bloody visa sponsorship, and nationality requirement! Back in them old days... (starts rambling while mumbling)
OooooK! Let's quickly turn to miss phD. What say you, Miss phD?
Ms phD, calm, cool and collected as always (hey, her last name IS Doctorate after all): The girl will be back. No worries. I know her. She'll be back, if not next year, then the year after next, or the year after next after next. Any year. But she will be back. And YOU, you can call me philli. *giggles*
Mr chicago job with 5 figure salary: Phew, I tell ya, sista, that there is sumthing of a close call. wuz afraid that girl there be stupid enough to choose ideals over money! hahahaha.. (wiping sweat of the 5 figure face).
Whoa, those are pretty harsh words, Mr chicago job with 5 figure salary...
Mr chicago job with 5 figure salary (turning a nice shade of orange): hehehe..just kidding, just kidding. Gosh, you people gotta lighten up. I mean, come on, ya know she done made the right choice. She done old and poor, alone in a foreign land. It's time to shore up some of em greenbacks, ya know what I'm sayin?
Well, Mr chicago job with 5 figure salary, late twenties is not exactly old, you know. Futhermore, experts interviewed say that if she goes the phD route, she would have recovered the "financial losses" incurred while in grad school in no time, if she gets a job in industry after that.
Mr chicago job with 5 figure salary: Her parents think she's gettin old, don't they? and, I hear the big IF in your sennntence.
I am pretty sure her parents didn't mean it that way. Anyway, the experts also say that having a phD proves the girl's versatility and trainability - she would in fact be much more marketable, and be perceived as a totally brainy chick(which is a lethal combination)! Plus when it comes to career advancement, phD totally kicks ass!
Mr chicago job with 5 figure salary: expert shmurzert. She got me, ain't she? you want experts? i got this university full of experts, them asian experts says the opposite. Strange how all the white chicks and brothers think so highly of education.
Are you implying that race plays a part in this.
Mr chicago job with 5 figure salary looks left and right before saying: ya know, i shouldn't be sayin this, it aint no race, it that dang nationality. foreign people always gets short changed. bloody visa sponsorship, and nationality requirement! Back in them old days... (starts rambling while mumbling)
OooooK! Let's quickly turn to miss phD. What say you, Miss phD?
Ms phD, calm, cool and collected as always (hey, her last name IS Doctorate after all): The girl will be back. No worries. I know her. She'll be back, if not next year, then the year after next, or the year after next after next. Any year. But she will be back. And YOU, you can call me philli. *giggles*
Saturday, February 10, 2007
The messenger
I hate watching ghost movies (except 6th sense), but went and watched the Messenger yesterday. The Pang brother's 1st hollywood foray.
Verdict - Creepy! An average storyline with many suspenseful and goose bumpity shoots. I think the mat salleh audience will like it. But asian audience who's seen many of their movies will find similar scenes from their previous movies. And certain elements look very ju-on like. Still, since I used my fingers to edit most of the scenes when i watch any horror movies, and do my very best to forget scary scenes, the messenger is very refreshing and creepy to me.
But you know what's creepiest of all? One of the Pangs named himself Danny, while the other one, get this, named himself Oxide. Oxide Pang - I guess we now know which one of them comes up with the creepy ideas.
Verdict - Creepy! An average storyline with many suspenseful and goose bumpity shoots. I think the mat salleh audience will like it. But asian audience who's seen many of their movies will find similar scenes from their previous movies. And certain elements look very ju-on like. Still, since I used my fingers to edit most of the scenes when i watch any horror movies, and do my very best to forget scary scenes, the messenger is very refreshing and creepy to me.
But you know what's creepiest of all? One of the Pangs named himself Danny, while the other one, get this, named himself Oxide. Oxide Pang - I guess we now know which one of them comes up with the creepy ideas.
The importance of being selfish
I've learnt some important things this week.
To *preserve me, there comes a time when:
I need to do what I want in my life. With less consideration of what I should. Or what others want.
I will let go of taking care of others in favor of taking care of myself.
I need to choose to do things that are joyful.
It is important to distinguish these times from others.
* sounds like fossilization, doesn't it? or maybe fruit preservation. :)
To *preserve me, there comes a time when:
I need to do what I want in my life. With less consideration of what I should. Or what others want.
I will let go of taking care of others in favor of taking care of myself.
I need to choose to do things that are joyful.
It is important to distinguish these times from others.
* sounds like fossilization, doesn't it? or maybe fruit preservation. :)
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
The Rope Jumping Dilemma
When I was a kid, girls played this game roughly translated as Jumping Ropes. The ropes were handmade, by looping tens of rubber bands around each other to form a long elastic strand. one kid would hold each end, stretching the rope slightly such that it became taut. the rest would take turns jumping over the rope, as the height was increased from the ground, to the knee, waist, shoulder, head, and finally as high as it can be held. My athletic prowess was lacking even back then, and the best i could muster was the waist.
I had been having difficulty sleeping these few days, with many thoughts swirling about my head. When i decided to come back to school to do Masters, it was like jumping at the shoulder level. I'd never done it before, but it was not too far from the waist level. It felt within reach. I knew that if i'd worked hard at it, maybe consistently stretching and jumping everyday, I'd be able to do it gradually. And as that is coming close to being proven true, an opportunity has opened up to jump at a much higher level, even higher than the head - a level so high (to me) that I did not, never in a bajillion yrs consider myself capable of reaching, not even in my wildest exciting-est dreams.
You see, my advisor had offered.. nay, actively pursuing me to do a Doctoral degree with him. Doctoral with a capital D. It will be an exciting and worthy project, with the aim of contributing some tools towards fighting a deadly, incurable disease. He has agreed to customize it so that I can learn tools that will be valuable the industry, which is where I want to end up in. Most of all, he believes, more than I do, from what he sees, that I have the capability to reach that lofty height. It is a dizzy feeling, to have someone throw open a door which you'd never thought to unlock, and to be told that yes, you CAN do it, however much you think you can't. Maybe the cripple who got cured by Jesus felt like the same way when commanded to walk.
The problem is, it would take at least 3 more years, and there would be very little money for the entire duration. The choices of jobs post graduation will be scant because of highly specialized skills. But if I do get a job, probably as a scientist in a company, the difference in monetary gain could be balanced out in a short time. I would get to be my own boss and pretty much dictate my course and direction of research. However, the idea of being my own boss is strangely foreign, and pretty intimidating. I had always imagined a life of salaried income, with a cushion of corporate superiors, and ample time for pursuit of interesting hobbies like reading, baking, drumming, language and what nots. What will it be like to be away from that comfortable cushion? More satisfaction, I heard, and also more frustration, and much less time for other things in life.
On the other hand, if I do not get a job in the industry, I will probably end up in school, in some research lab, taking the post of what is known as a "postdoc", ie phD holders who slave with minimal pay and dismal benefits for a few years under the tulelage of some established professor in hopes of getting into academia, either holding a professorship, or being a research scientist. The ultimate deal is proving to be illusive to many, as more and more postdocs get stuck for years as a postdoc, wondering if they would ever reach the other side. This I do not wish to do.
Both paths after phD, industrial or academia, would lead away from clear cut engineering, into the murky, but much more heavy-weighted realm of clinical science and biology. But, I love engineering, especially mechanical. I am not sure that I'm prepared to let it go.
Also, I had in fact secured a job in a small nothern lake front location. Not a job that I trained for, not an industry which I imagined myself to be in, but one that I nonetheless accepted, partly because of visa limitations in this foreign land. This job pays at least 3 times that of what I will earn as a phD student. The people are nice, and the location is fantastic. Plus, I have the choice of switching back to engineering at a later date.
Things will be further complicated when I go back to Asia in a few years. The demand for phDs, especially in biological+engineering sciences is much less in SEA, compared to the western world.
Yet, do we not owe it to ourselves to fulfill our potential to the fullest? To contribute as much as we can to the well being of earth and our people? To attempt to jump the highest that we could possibly jump over the ropes held by life?
Or do we just owe it to ourselves to be happy, to be financially competent for the sake of our family, and to start building a stable and peaceful life when the time is right?
I had been having difficulty sleeping these few days, with many thoughts swirling about my head. When i decided to come back to school to do Masters, it was like jumping at the shoulder level. I'd never done it before, but it was not too far from the waist level. It felt within reach. I knew that if i'd worked hard at it, maybe consistently stretching and jumping everyday, I'd be able to do it gradually. And as that is coming close to being proven true, an opportunity has opened up to jump at a much higher level, even higher than the head - a level so high (to me) that I did not, never in a bajillion yrs consider myself capable of reaching, not even in my wildest exciting-est dreams.
You see, my advisor had offered.. nay, actively pursuing me to do a Doctoral degree with him. Doctoral with a capital D. It will be an exciting and worthy project, with the aim of contributing some tools towards fighting a deadly, incurable disease. He has agreed to customize it so that I can learn tools that will be valuable the industry, which is where I want to end up in. Most of all, he believes, more than I do, from what he sees, that I have the capability to reach that lofty height. It is a dizzy feeling, to have someone throw open a door which you'd never thought to unlock, and to be told that yes, you CAN do it, however much you think you can't. Maybe the cripple who got cured by Jesus felt like the same way when commanded to walk.
The problem is, it would take at least 3 more years, and there would be very little money for the entire duration. The choices of jobs post graduation will be scant because of highly specialized skills. But if I do get a job, probably as a scientist in a company, the difference in monetary gain could be balanced out in a short time. I would get to be my own boss and pretty much dictate my course and direction of research. However, the idea of being my own boss is strangely foreign, and pretty intimidating. I had always imagined a life of salaried income, with a cushion of corporate superiors, and ample time for pursuit of interesting hobbies like reading, baking, drumming, language and what nots. What will it be like to be away from that comfortable cushion? More satisfaction, I heard, and also more frustration, and much less time for other things in life.
On the other hand, if I do not get a job in the industry, I will probably end up in school, in some research lab, taking the post of what is known as a "postdoc", ie phD holders who slave with minimal pay and dismal benefits for a few years under the tulelage of some established professor in hopes of getting into academia, either holding a professorship, or being a research scientist. The ultimate deal is proving to be illusive to many, as more and more postdocs get stuck for years as a postdoc, wondering if they would ever reach the other side. This I do not wish to do.
Both paths after phD, industrial or academia, would lead away from clear cut engineering, into the murky, but much more heavy-weighted realm of clinical science and biology. But, I love engineering, especially mechanical. I am not sure that I'm prepared to let it go.
Also, I had in fact secured a job in a small nothern lake front location. Not a job that I trained for, not an industry which I imagined myself to be in, but one that I nonetheless accepted, partly because of visa limitations in this foreign land. This job pays at least 3 times that of what I will earn as a phD student. The people are nice, and the location is fantastic. Plus, I have the choice of switching back to engineering at a later date.
Things will be further complicated when I go back to Asia in a few years. The demand for phDs, especially in biological+engineering sciences is much less in SEA, compared to the western world.
Yet, do we not owe it to ourselves to fulfill our potential to the fullest? To contribute as much as we can to the well being of earth and our people? To attempt to jump the highest that we could possibly jump over the ropes held by life?
Or do we just owe it to ourselves to be happy, to be financially competent for the sake of our family, and to start building a stable and peaceful life when the time is right?
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Three Clowns in Grand Canyon
We started our hike at the South Kaibab trailhead, intending to pass by Yaki Point and Ooh Aah Point to reach Cedar Ridge. The grand canyon is, well, a canyon, ie a long narrow steep hole in the ground. Therefore the trail leads downwards, and it takes longer to return than to get to the destination. I've never realised this until the hike.
Well, so we got to Yaki Point, plodding through the cold, sleet, trees and hoove/paw covered snow in cold and dung smelling air for roughly 20 minutes. And what did we see?
Cars, in a parking lot, with their tourist drivers. So much for the brochure warning that "Yaki point is accessible only shuttle.
30 minutes later, we discovered why the Ooh Aah point is called the Ooh Aah Point (click on pic to enlarge).
Then we reach cedar ridge. It started to feel like a very windy and cold desert. We had wheat thins, kit kats and berry flavored water out on a ledge that extends into the canyon heart.
Took 2 hrs to get back up to the rim. The little waving black spot in the middle is my friend T. It was really steep.
So, the view was awesome. The canyon was awesome too, but what loored me maybe more was this, what we saw in the souvenir shop.
The sign above the very native-american-styled pottery says "NOT MADE BY NATIVE AMERICAN CRAFTERS" then in smaller font below says... "MADE IN CHINA".
Behold the might of the dragon, and the brutal honesty of Grand Canyon's souvenir shops. Wonder how many vases they've sold so far. :)
Well, so we got to Yaki Point, plodding through the cold, sleet, trees and hoove/paw covered snow in cold and dung smelling air for roughly 20 minutes. And what did we see?
Cars, in a parking lot, with their tourist drivers. So much for the brochure warning that "Yaki point is accessible only shuttle.30 minutes later, we discovered why the Ooh Aah point is called the Ooh Aah Point (click on pic to enlarge).
Then we reach cedar ridge. It started to feel like a very windy and cold desert. We had wheat thins, kit kats and berry flavored water out on a ledge that extends into the canyon heart.
Took 2 hrs to get back up to the rim. The little waving black spot in the middle is my friend T. It was really steep.
So, the view was awesome. The canyon was awesome too, but what loored me maybe more was this, what we saw in the souvenir shop.
The sign above the very native-american-styled pottery says "NOT MADE BY NATIVE AMERICAN CRAFTERS" then in smaller font below says... "MADE IN CHINA".Behold the might of the dragon, and the brutal honesty of Grand Canyon's souvenir shops. Wonder how many vases they've sold so far. :)
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
One question I didn't think I'd ever hear
"Let's compete to see who can be the first to pee 5 times tonight, okay?"
p/s, I won.
p/s, I won.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
It's 2007!
Although it's rather old fashioned...
HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL!!
1. May 2007 be cheerful, optimistic and, er, educational without being too costly(cos my dad says that e-d-u-c-a-t-i-o-n is very important, HUZZAH!).
2. May the good, wise and sincere get elected to govern (however unlikely, one can still hope).
3. May Greenhouse effects and global warming be admitted, addressed and somehow reversed, or at least stopped (see #2).
4. May my family, immediate and not immediate, by blood and honorary, find health and safety, and love.
5. May Grey's Anatomy quit trying to be the soap-opera-that-cannot-not-whine. yay!
my new year resolutions, in order of importance and inverse order of fun,
1. Graduate!!
2. Learn enough French to read the original Little Prince/Learn enough Japanese to read any book of Haruki Murakami.
3. Take up drums again! double yay! and master those ever elusive but highly essential offbeats.
Cheers!
HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL!!
1. May 2007 be cheerful, optimistic and, er, educational without being too costly(cos my dad says that e-d-u-c-a-t-i-o-n is very important, HUZZAH!).
2. May the good, wise and sincere get elected to govern (however unlikely, one can still hope).
3. May Greenhouse effects and global warming be admitted, addressed and somehow reversed, or at least stopped (see #2).
4. May my family, immediate and not immediate, by blood and honorary, find health and safety, and love.
5. May Grey's Anatomy quit trying to be the soap-opera-that-cannot-not-whine. yay!
my new year resolutions, in order of importance and inverse order of fun,
1. Graduate!!
2. Learn enough French to read the original Little Prince/Learn enough Japanese to read any book of Haruki Murakami.
3. Take up drums again! double yay! and master those ever elusive but highly essential offbeats.
Cheers!
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Ho Ho Ho!
Merry Christmas all, and a Great 2007 ahead!
Just came back from a trip to Arizona with 2 old friends - it was a blast! the host was big hearted and eager to please in his usual gruff manner, and the companion ever entertaining and funny.
and, (and I've got to type this in caps), WE HIKED GRAND CANYON!!! well, not all the way down, but maybe about 10 or 20 miles.
.....
ok, it was more like 3 miles. but that itself took more than 3 hrs, going down towards the canyon floor and then hiking back up to the rim. and the view...how can i describe it...to coin T's phrase, it was so breathtaking that we needed to puke, in a good way (it's more descriptive translated to cantonese). The view from the hiking trail was MAGNIFICENT. So Magnificent that the word not only needs be in caps, but bolded, underlined, highlighted and decorated with flashy neon light, except that i don't know how to do those fancy things within blogspot. Comparing it to the tourist convenient, camera friendly, shuttle accessible rim is like comparing boiled unsalted liver pate to penang's char kuey tiao, or bush to gandhi, or me to albert einstein. They are not only incomparable, they're not even the same species.
photos coming up soon!
Just came back from a trip to Arizona with 2 old friends - it was a blast! the host was big hearted and eager to please in his usual gruff manner, and the companion ever entertaining and funny.
and, (and I've got to type this in caps), WE HIKED GRAND CANYON!!! well, not all the way down, but maybe about 10 or 20 miles.
.....
ok, it was more like 3 miles. but that itself took more than 3 hrs, going down towards the canyon floor and then hiking back up to the rim. and the view...how can i describe it...to coin T's phrase, it was so breathtaking that we needed to puke, in a good way (it's more descriptive translated to cantonese). The view from the hiking trail was MAGNIFICENT. So Magnificent that the word not only needs be in caps, but bolded, underlined, highlighted and decorated with flashy neon light, except that i don't know how to do those fancy things within blogspot. Comparing it to the tourist convenient, camera friendly, shuttle accessible rim is like comparing boiled unsalted liver pate to penang's char kuey tiao, or bush to gandhi, or me to albert einstein. They are not only incomparable, they're not even the same species.
photos coming up soon!
Thursday, December 21, 2006
my claim to a famous friend
Tan Chui Mui's 1st movie "Love conquers all" won awards and accolades! go watch go watch!
http://www.nanyang.com/index.php?ch=15&pg=224&ac=679213
tan chui mui, goh tze hui and i used to hang out a little, organize some activities and once made a stupid bet in secondary school (Who won? i think i did. but i don't see any1 paying up!). she lives 2 blocks away from me. we're no longer in touch, but it's good to see that she's receiving recognition for her work! :) She is really talented, and it showed even when we were all young and naive (well, still naive now, but no longer young). she won us a chinese society's magazine regional championship(i'm pretty sure that's not how to translate it, cos it now sounds like american football now), and wrote really enjoyable articles.
i would surely go watch if i were back home. You could see that i'm excited about this because I've used not one, not 2, but THREE exclaimation marks up to this point!
and, I'm gonna add kuantan to my profile. maybe because it's now gonna be a famous birth place of a famous director, but most probably because reading about her, and watching her shorts on youtube.com brought back fond memories about the crazy and stupid and mundane and oh so crude things me and my friends did back home. i think i would like to recognize that.
http://www.nanyang.com/index.php?ch=15&pg=224&ac=679213
tan chui mui, goh tze hui and i used to hang out a little, organize some activities and once made a stupid bet in secondary school (Who won? i think i did. but i don't see any1 paying up!). she lives 2 blocks away from me. we're no longer in touch, but it's good to see that she's receiving recognition for her work! :) She is really talented, and it showed even when we were all young and naive (well, still naive now, but no longer young). she won us a chinese society's magazine regional championship(i'm pretty sure that's not how to translate it, cos it now sounds like american football now), and wrote really enjoyable articles.
i would surely go watch if i were back home. You could see that i'm excited about this because I've used not one, not 2, but THREE exclaimation marks up to this point!
and, I'm gonna add kuantan to my profile. maybe because it's now gonna be a famous birth place of a famous director, but most probably because reading about her, and watching her shorts on youtube.com brought back fond memories about the crazy and stupid and mundane and oh so crude things me and my friends did back home. i think i would like to recognize that.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
A chapter is complete
When you've just finished the final final-exam on the last course in your graduate studies, and you think the best way to celebrate is to go grocery shopping, and then cook up some yummo chicken and multi-mushroom dish, and then do the dishes, and, and then blog,
...is it time to concede that the wild days are over?
...is it time to concede that the wild days are over?
Sunday, December 10, 2006
a good man
Today, I am touched, inspired and saddened by the life of James Kim - loving father, devoted husband, senior editor at CNET, supreme gadgeteer.
James Kim and his wife, Kati Kim, and their 2 little girls - Penelope, 4 and Sabine, 7 months, went for a family road trip after Thanksgiving. Along this trip, on a snowy night, they took a wrong turn and got lost. Then, decided to follow a shortcut on the map, and being unabled to read warning signs obscured by snow, the family got stucked on a deserted backcountry road in the Mountains of Oregon; a road that was supposed to be gated and locked in the winter, but wasn't. They were out of range for all electronic gadgets, and could neither call for help, or be notified of a search and rescue party. The parents ran the car heater for warmth, and when the gas ran out, burnt the tyres, first the spare, then the rest. Kati breastfed both daughters when food ran out, while James hardly ate. After a week, James decided to go out on foot to seek help for his family, aiming for a village which they thought was 4 miles away but was actually 15. The plan was for him to return after 5 hrs if he couldn't find anything. He never did.
Kati and the girls were rescued 3 days later by helicopters hired by Jame's father for the search, the same helicopters that dropped sacks of food, warm clothes and letters in the mountains, in the hope that they will provide sustanence for James.
But James never had a chance to stumble across the packs. He was found, 11 days later, in a river bed, dead of hypothermia. He stayed alive for 2 days, and walked for 11 miles before he fell; rescuers had problems with 5, even with all of their gadgets and supplies. It was later found that the lock to that accursed road was vandalised.
I cannot imagine what it was like for the James and Kati, who tried to portray the whole ordeal to their girls as a camping trip. Were they at first hopeful that help would arrive in a day or 2, or thought that they could drive out of the hell hole eventually? Did a day or 2 turned into 5, then 7, with no sign that any search was under way? When the fuel ran out, how did it feel to realize that with that died the possibility of driving their own way out - that their fate were left in the hands of others, who might not even be aware that they were missing? What words were spoken before James decided to strike out into the wilderness, out of desperation to save his family? How did Kati bade goodbye, knowing that he was doing this for their sake, and that he might not be coming back? How did he feel when he kissed his daughters possibly for the last time, weak from hunger, yet strong with the will to protect them? Were the girls puzzled and troubled, yet not fully comprehending the heart breaks that they could feel in the air..
I can't express my feelings well enough, but he does.
http://sweetjuniper.blogspot.com
I choke up everytime I read about James. Because I know, that my father would do the same, were we ever in the same condition. And so would I.
James Kim and his wife, Kati Kim, and their 2 little girls - Penelope, 4 and Sabine, 7 months, went for a family road trip after Thanksgiving. Along this trip, on a snowy night, they took a wrong turn and got lost. Then, decided to follow a shortcut on the map, and being unabled to read warning signs obscured by snow, the family got stucked on a deserted backcountry road in the Mountains of Oregon; a road that was supposed to be gated and locked in the winter, but wasn't. They were out of range for all electronic gadgets, and could neither call for help, or be notified of a search and rescue party. The parents ran the car heater for warmth, and when the gas ran out, burnt the tyres, first the spare, then the rest. Kati breastfed both daughters when food ran out, while James hardly ate. After a week, James decided to go out on foot to seek help for his family, aiming for a village which they thought was 4 miles away but was actually 15. The plan was for him to return after 5 hrs if he couldn't find anything. He never did.
Kati and the girls were rescued 3 days later by helicopters hired by Jame's father for the search, the same helicopters that dropped sacks of food, warm clothes and letters in the mountains, in the hope that they will provide sustanence for James.
But James never had a chance to stumble across the packs. He was found, 11 days later, in a river bed, dead of hypothermia. He stayed alive for 2 days, and walked for 11 miles before he fell; rescuers had problems with 5, even with all of their gadgets and supplies. It was later found that the lock to that accursed road was vandalised.
I cannot imagine what it was like for the James and Kati, who tried to portray the whole ordeal to their girls as a camping trip. Were they at first hopeful that help would arrive in a day or 2, or thought that they could drive out of the hell hole eventually? Did a day or 2 turned into 5, then 7, with no sign that any search was under way? When the fuel ran out, how did it feel to realize that with that died the possibility of driving their own way out - that their fate were left in the hands of others, who might not even be aware that they were missing? What words were spoken before James decided to strike out into the wilderness, out of desperation to save his family? How did Kati bade goodbye, knowing that he was doing this for their sake, and that he might not be coming back? How did he feel when he kissed his daughters possibly for the last time, weak from hunger, yet strong with the will to protect them? Were the girls puzzled and troubled, yet not fully comprehending the heart breaks that they could feel in the air..
I can't express my feelings well enough, but he does.
http://sweetjuniper.blogspot.com
I choke up everytime I read about James. Because I know, that my father would do the same, were we ever in the same condition. And so would I.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Just another pain in my behind (nana, you want to skip this entry)
I've just received email that we're REQUIRED to decap rats now.
decap as in decapitate.
Skip the rest of this entry if you don't want to know details.
Before you get too horrified, it's part of the procedure for kind+thoughtful handling of lab animals. And unusually, I don't mean that sarcastically. Because decapitation is done on rats that are euthanised with anesthesia, to make sure that they are really dead before getting placed in a freezer prior to being disposed. you know, so that, just in case it didn't really expire from the anesthesia, it doesn't wake up in the middle of the night in a sub 0 degree freezer with a box full of dead companions in paper bags, and freeze to death while trying to call 911.
THE RULES require decap, but I've always avoided it by having my technician break the neck after it's supposedly gone to rat heaven via a huge dose of anesthesia, which is supposed to be as effective as decap. Now, however, some people were careless in obeying the rules, and THE COMMITTEE is insisting on STRICTLY obeying the rules.
I have a hard enough time when I'm forced to put them to sleep, or when i accidentally make them bleed, and now I'm required to cut off the head?
Could I plead cultural immunity, because asians traditionally respect and wouldn't dream of hurting dead bodies?
my mama, she-hero who captures, kills, de-feathers, cleans, and cooks running, free-ranged, live chickens with one hand tied at the back is probably wondering if babies when i was born.
decap as in decapitate.
Skip the rest of this entry if you don't want to know details.
Before you get too horrified, it's part of the procedure for kind+thoughtful handling of lab animals. And unusually, I don't mean that sarcastically. Because decapitation is done on rats that are euthanised with anesthesia, to make sure that they are really dead before getting placed in a freezer prior to being disposed. you know, so that, just in case it didn't really expire from the anesthesia, it doesn't wake up in the middle of the night in a sub 0 degree freezer with a box full of dead companions in paper bags, and freeze to death while trying to call 911.
THE RULES require decap, but I've always avoided it by having my technician break the neck after it's supposedly gone to rat heaven via a huge dose of anesthesia, which is supposed to be as effective as decap. Now, however, some people were careless in obeying the rules, and THE COMMITTEE is insisting on STRICTLY obeying the rules.
I have a hard enough time when I'm forced to put them to sleep, or when i accidentally make them bleed, and now I'm required to cut off the head?
Could I plead cultural immunity, because asians traditionally respect and wouldn't dream of hurting dead bodies?
my mama, she-hero who captures, kills, de-feathers, cleans, and cooks running, free-ranged, live chickens with one hand tied at the back is probably wondering if babies when i was born.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
3 things i learnt from trip up north
1. My laptop is a notebook, but does not qualify as a mobile desktop. It is just too heavy.
2. Kenyan cab drivers in Chicago can be a Computer engineering student at the same time. (Isn't that cool!)
3. Business suits are not as warm as they should be.
Also, it's very likely that there's a conspiracy between the phychiatric hospitals and airports. The scheme is simple, delay or cancel flights due to "bad weather", and simultaneously deny baggage reclaims. Repeat process a couple times in an hour ON THE SAME FLIGHT. That would definitely perk up business in the wards.
Choices choices
Today I went to an interview at a little place beside a big lake in the mid west region. I’m on my way back to Indy from OHare airport, where the usual shitty weather in Chicago caused a delay on all flights (I use the word 'usual' because it makes me sound like a seasoned traveler, an important person. In truth I’ve only transited in Chicago only a few times. Ok, twice if I count the trip from home yesterday).
The position that I was interviewing for is a business consulting job, in the capacity of data analyses. This was not the world-changing, life-saving, cancer-curing, rat-torturing industry that I had in mind when I came here to study. I have some doubts about accepting the job, if they offer me one, because engineering had been all the life I knew since sick 17.
To stave off depression due to boredom excerbated by counting the number of airport power outlets, I’ll hash out some pros and cons working in consulting vs engineering.
Pro engineer:
I can pretend to understand the workings of a car/a washer/the aircon/the world.
I can publicly love for Dilbert, and laugh loudly at the strips, without being thought of as weird.
Con engineer:
Hot guys think I’m a geek.
Hot guys assume that I’m smarter than them = not hot (both entirely baseless).
Engineering guys are not hot (though warm, kind and fun. But who needs those?).
Pro consulting:
Hot guys will think I’m smart AND hot.
There might be occasion where nice dressing is required (high heels and make up).
Con consulting:
Consulting guys dress better than I do.
I don't know how to use make up.
I've only leanrt a few months ago to walk in heels without falling and skinning my knees.
It seems there’s tie.
Tune in for results a few months later, at about the same time (+-12 hrs), and day(+-3.5 days).
The position that I was interviewing for is a business consulting job, in the capacity of data analyses. This was not the world-changing, life-saving, cancer-curing, rat-torturing industry that I had in mind when I came here to study. I have some doubts about accepting the job, if they offer me one, because engineering had been all the life I knew since sick 17.
To stave off depression due to boredom excerbated by counting the number of airport power outlets, I’ll hash out some pros and cons working in consulting vs engineering.
Pro engineer:
I can pretend to understand the workings of a car/a washer/the aircon/the world.
I can publicly love for Dilbert, and laugh loudly at the strips, without being thought of as weird.
Con engineer:
Hot guys think I’m a geek.
Hot guys assume that I’m smarter than them = not hot (both entirely baseless).
Engineering guys are not hot (though warm, kind and fun. But who needs those?).
Pro consulting:
Hot guys will think I’m smart AND hot.
There might be occasion where nice dressing is required (high heels and make up).
Con consulting:
Consulting guys dress better than I do.
I don't know how to use make up.
I've only leanrt a few months ago to walk in heels without falling and skinning my knees.
It seems there’s tie.
Tune in for results a few months later, at about the same time (+-12 hrs), and day(+-3.5 days).
Thursday, October 19, 2006
nail in my tyre, and warmth in my heart
Due to a mischievious nail that loved my right rear tire too much, today i got all four of my tires changed and aligned for USD 250. That's equivalent to RM1000! a year ago, I would have been angst ridden about the fact that this would pay for my room in penang for 5 months, with change left for 10 or 20 meals. Yet after being here for a while, I'd come to expect 250, post 30 bucks discount coupons from various sources, as a reasonable price to pay for 4 tyres. It's inevitable. I've acclimatised.
This is a big step for someone who, 1.5 yrs ago, went through the trouble of cancelling 3.60 worth of baked pastries at the checkout, and had to borrow cash from an acquaintence because her purchase was now below the minimum limit payable by credit card, all because it said 1.86 at the aisle, and 3.6 is too much to pay for a lousy box of 3 sau pau!
as an aside, the guy who owned the tyre shop tried to sell me extra insurance that will guarantee replacement or repairs on any accidental damage to the tyres. Of oucrse i didn't fall for it, so he cut the price to 1/2. and at the end , when i still refused, he gave it to me for free, because he "would feel better if a young girl like you had some insurance while driving on some high ways, and i really want you to have it." which made me feel all warm and touched, and guilty too, for thinking that all he wanted was to suck that extra 16 bucks from a poor foreign student. It resumed my faith in kindness.
or, was it just a very clever marketing manuever?
written 10/17
This is a big step for someone who, 1.5 yrs ago, went through the trouble of cancelling 3.60 worth of baked pastries at the checkout, and had to borrow cash from an acquaintence because her purchase was now below the minimum limit payable by credit card, all because it said 1.86 at the aisle, and 3.6 is too much to pay for a lousy box of 3 sau pau!
as an aside, the guy who owned the tyre shop tried to sell me extra insurance that will guarantee replacement or repairs on any accidental damage to the tyres. Of oucrse i didn't fall for it, so he cut the price to 1/2. and at the end , when i still refused, he gave it to me for free, because he "would feel better if a young girl like you had some insurance while driving on some high ways, and i really want you to have it." which made me feel all warm and touched, and guilty too, for thinking that all he wanted was to suck that extra 16 bucks from a poor foreign student. It resumed my faith in kindness.
or, was it just a very clever marketing manuever?
written 10/17
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
a regression to lists
ok, there's been too much gloom going on around here! luckily, all soppy identity search blogs can be blamed on PMS.
so to perk things up a little bit, a list of 10 good things in my life right now, in no particular order:
1. my lavender, that was brown and sagging 3 weeks ago, has not only came back from the brink of death, but is sprouting new shoots and is smelling good again! the secret? rice soaked water. thanks to my mama, i am no longer a plant killer (though i've conveniently progressed to rodents, see below).
2. Didi's birthday is coming up! And he successfully transferred departments in spite of a lousy boss who tried to stop it. And, he gets to go home for 1 whole week during raya (my eyes are so shining green i could audition for ju-on 4).
3. spoke to parents today. they are well.
4. new interview shoes, from dsw, for 25 only, after a 50% discount and a 5 bucks dicount card from the lovely princess-lily-pad.
5. an interview where said shoes could be displayed. next week! (finger biting.. butterflies fluttering)
6. good stir fried ginger and scallion chicken. made by yours shortly.
7. very good hersheys marbled chocolate cake! made by ..ahem..yours shortly.
8. my boss man and boss lady, who remains upbeat and encouraging even though i killed a rat during a scan (it was an accident, i swear! i would make sure there's more than 50 psi in the oxygen tank in the future, and not rely on the technician).
9. a reply from a good friend, agreeing to a certain request of mine. after a month, i wasn't sure if he was going to reply at all, and was saddened to think that his new position occupied so much of his time that he might not be bothered with old frienships anymore. but i was wrong, and very happily so.
10. gibberish from the animal farm back home. ahh..the sweet nectars of life.
so to perk things up a little bit, a list of 10 good things in my life right now, in no particular order:
1. my lavender, that was brown and sagging 3 weeks ago, has not only came back from the brink of death, but is sprouting new shoots and is smelling good again! the secret? rice soaked water. thanks to my mama, i am no longer a plant killer (though i've conveniently progressed to rodents, see below).
2. Didi's birthday is coming up! And he successfully transferred departments in spite of a lousy boss who tried to stop it. And, he gets to go home for 1 whole week during raya (my eyes are so shining green i could audition for ju-on 4).
3. spoke to parents today. they are well.
4. new interview shoes, from dsw, for 25 only, after a 50% discount and a 5 bucks dicount card from the lovely princess-lily-pad.
5. an interview where said shoes could be displayed. next week! (finger biting.. butterflies fluttering)
6. good stir fried ginger and scallion chicken. made by yours shortly.
7. very good hersheys marbled chocolate cake! made by ..ahem..yours shortly.
8. my boss man and boss lady, who remains upbeat and encouraging even though i killed a rat during a scan (it was an accident, i swear! i would make sure there's more than 50 psi in the oxygen tank in the future, and not rely on the technician).
9. a reply from a good friend, agreeing to a certain request of mine. after a month, i wasn't sure if he was going to reply at all, and was saddened to think that his new position occupied so much of his time that he might not be bothered with old frienships anymore. but i was wrong, and very happily so.
10. gibberish from the animal farm back home. ahh..the sweet nectars of life.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
The Smallness of Being
When one leaves everything one has known for the past 26 years, in order to start a new life as a student in a foreign country, one feels a strong sense of purpose. One might be rather scared and lost at first, but one has all these places to go, assignments to complete, assistantships to apply for, tests to ace.
Yet when one is about to graduate in a country far away from home, and has hardly gotten any job interview yet, one feels oddly displaced, extremely insignificant, unfamiliarly empty, and very lost, because one does not know how to define oneself anymore.
How does one define oneself? By profession – I am an engineer/writer/assembler? By relationships to family and loved ones– I am brother/wife/husband of so and so, best friend of so and so? By ongoing projects – I am taking up pottery/ completing a project designing so and so? By a fixed role in society? By gender? By sexual orientation? By age? By nationality? Crowds one hangs out with? Car? House? Weight of coins in one’s pink piggy bank? Quality of life one has?
How, then, does one define oneself when one is far away from family and loved ones, and have no job, no earthly possessions besides a Toshiba laptop that is partial to blue screen errors, and a very loose, if at all existing, tie to the surrounding community?
Does one define oneself by what is inside oneself? Bravery, kindness, cheerfulness, a healthy disregard of the rules? What if one chooses an unexplored path and gets so...rubbed... by the subsequent happenings that one isn’t so sure anymore? What if what one thought was inside, no longer is?
Yet when one is about to graduate in a country far away from home, and has hardly gotten any job interview yet, one feels oddly displaced, extremely insignificant, unfamiliarly empty, and very lost, because one does not know how to define oneself anymore.
How does one define oneself? By profession – I am an engineer/writer/assembler? By relationships to family and loved ones– I am brother/wife/husband of so and so, best friend of so and so? By ongoing projects – I am taking up pottery/ completing a project designing so and so? By a fixed role in society? By gender? By sexual orientation? By age? By nationality? Crowds one hangs out with? Car? House? Weight of coins in one’s pink piggy bank? Quality of life one has?
How, then, does one define oneself when one is far away from family and loved ones, and have no job, no earthly possessions besides a Toshiba laptop that is partial to blue screen errors, and a very loose, if at all existing, tie to the surrounding community?
Does one define oneself by what is inside oneself? Bravery, kindness, cheerfulness, a healthy disregard of the rules? What if one chooses an unexplored path and gets so...rubbed... by the subsequent happenings that one isn’t so sure anymore? What if what one thought was inside, no longer is?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)